Beat the Play Date Blues

Have you attempted to arrange play dates for your child but found that they were more work than play? Maybe you found that your child showed no interest in playing with the friend, refused to share toys or, in the worst of cases, the friend cried and demanded to go home. Did you find yourself trying to manage the play date but found that nothing seemed to work? Please don’t give up! Play dates are an important tool to help your child develop the social skills necessary to relate to peers both at home and at school. Believe it or not it is possible to structure successful play dates!

Try the following suggestions:

Invite a child who has good social skills and who appears to be flexible and easy going.
Limit the play date to no more than one hour.
Discuss the structure of the play date with your child and practice for a couple of days before the friend arrives. Make a list or a picture schedule to explain the following:

  • Open the door when your friend arrives
  • Say “Hi”
  • Ask your friend to come inside
  • Show the different rooms in your house to your friend
  • Tell your friend two choices of things to play (decide on these choices ahead of time)
  • Play the activity your friend chooses
  • Take turns
  • Share your toys
  • Eat a snack with your friend when your mom or dad tells you it is time for snack
  • After snack tell your friend two choices of things to play (decide ahead of time)
  • Play the activity your friend chooses
  • Take turns and share
  • Stop playing when it is time for your friend to leave
  • When your friend is leaving say “Goodbye” and “Thank you for playing”

After you have discussed the list with your child encourage your child to role play the play date while you pretend to be the friend. Have your child start at the beginning by opening the door to you and running through a sample play date. Include all the play date features such as selecting an activity to play, having snack and saying “Goodbye” when it is time to leave. Have your child reverse roles and pretend to be the friend and run through a sample play date again. Do this for a couple of days before the play date and again shortly before the friend is scheduled to arrive. 

Remember that successful play dates take practice and your child may not get it exactly right the first time. Compliment your child and the friend for appropriate behaviors such as sharing and playing together. After the friend leaves, talk to your child about all of the positive things that happened during the play date. Let your child know that if there were problems you will help to provide more practice so the next play date will be more successful. 

Practice role playing play dates each time a friend comes to play. Don’t assume that your child will remember the structure learned from the last play date. In time your child will internalize the structure and will no longer need practice. Make practice fun and rewarding for your child and remember to point out even small signs of progress after each play date.

Personal note from Joan:

Parents of children I have worked with have found that these play date suggestions really work. I would love to hear comments and suggestions from you. - Good luck and have fun!

The following Children Succeed games help children learn specific skills to engage in and enjoy playdates: